I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
