we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
