the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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