Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
