the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
