my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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