That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
