And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
