I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
