you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
