I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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