You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
