its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
