shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
