I CAN MOONWALK!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
