My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
