I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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