i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
