If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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