hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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