I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
