His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
