We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
