i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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