38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
