you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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