I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you had me at cake vodka
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
