i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
