so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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