Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Come share oat with me in your robe
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
