He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
