I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
