it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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