She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
