I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
