i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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