we have officially lost it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
