I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
