Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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