i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
