so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
