The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
