drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
