her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
