did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
