so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
