I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
