As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
