I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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