I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
