No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
