the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
