A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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