and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
false alarm, still single
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
